Talking to Your Kids About Sex
Our Whole Lives: Lifespan Sexuality Education by the Unitarian Church (non-secular)
- You know your kids, so you know what they are ready to know.
- It's best that the information comes from the parents. Schools are teaching abstinence only, so the only place kids are getting the info is the internet and their peers, and their peers are getting it from the internet.
- When you kids bring it up, only answer what they ask. Don't give them more information, it will just confuse them.
- Sometimes it seems like it comes out of left field, ask them "That’s a really good question, what made you think of that" to get more context. This is particularly useful when kids exhibit behaviors that might be alarming, but don’t indicate abuse.
For example: when kids get naked and examine each other, most times its just curiosity. Naked is part of gender identity. That's why they play Dr., because they've been told by parents that that’s a safe space to be naked.
- Also, use anatomically correct names. We don't have a nickname for noses do we?
- When two gendered parents available, both parents should be involved in the conversations and talk to boys about girls and girls about boys that way, EVERYONE is learning about EVERYTHING.
Q: What about nakedness between mom and son?
A: Once the boy starts going through puberty, is a good rule to stop. But in our society, generally 5 years old or so is when most people stop. If he's curious about bodies, its better that he can see moms vs. going on the internet to see more.
Q: 11 year old girl, and wants to make sure she develops a healthy body image.
A: There are groups for pre-teens to get involved in that are designed to promote good self-esteem and body image- specifically Girls On The Run in our area.
Q: 11 year old boy who is very curious about vagina's and what they look like.
A: Get a book with non-pornographic images. Powells books, siecus.org may have good book recommendations
Q: When do you talk about the reason why people have sex (Beyond to make babies, but the truth: It feels good for both parties)?
A: High school. When they are able to engage in abstract reasoning: around puberty.
If you have additional questions, Dr. Kathy Greaves has office hours Thursdays, 1:30 p.m. – 3:00 p.m. in Milam 27